tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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