I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize