My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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