Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize