I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
