If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
