So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
