If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
