On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
