the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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