Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize