He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
