I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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