Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
