I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
