i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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