your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize