Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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