Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
