You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
