Im at strip club and am horny
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize