did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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