if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
