You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
