All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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