its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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