Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
