You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize