big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
