don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
