So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
