hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
