Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
