I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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