I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
