I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
