dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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