remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
