Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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