Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
