guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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