when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
