he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
