Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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