i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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