I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
