he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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