hotel room ftw
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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