I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
