and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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