He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
