So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
