Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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