I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
