Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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