My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize