i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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