I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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