Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
