i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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