this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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