remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
