why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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