he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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