Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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