Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
