why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
