You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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