The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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