i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
