Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
