Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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