I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
