Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
