she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
