dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
