youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My cat gives me a boner
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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