when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My dick has a subreddit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
