hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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