apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
